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I want more of God and less of mans thoughts and interpretations of God. I'm tired of people telling me Gods new plan every few months. I think God knows what he wants. I know thats crazy talk but i don't think He changes his mind on whats important every few months. Be like Jesus - We will never succeed at this, we are incapable, but we are called to try. Jesus loved people. Everyone. He corrected when necessary, but ultimately he loved, encouraged and supported others towards Him. We try to make our faith this big theological deal and all we are really doing is focusing on the things that ultimately aren't going to matter. We tend to focus on ourselves. Trying to maybe better our standing in the church and in Gods eyes. Is reading the bible, praying, seeking Him important? Absolutely. But honestly do I think that when I get to heaven He's gonna ask me if i read my bible every day. No i think he's gonna ask me about the opportunities I had to minister to someone that was hurting that I missed because I was to self absorbed.

My faith is about Him, not me. I prayed to receive Him, I prayed for forgiveness and repented. Am I saved by faith? I believe that I am. So if I believe that then what should my focus be? Should I be focusing on me? I know there are always areas in life we can improve on, but I look at Jesus and I see someone who put the hurting and struggling ahead of anything else. We need to step out of our own little box and quite being so self focused.

Love others like Christ loves you. Especially if you KNOW that He does love you. Believe what you prayed to recieve. We are called to more than we are doing. As individuals and as the "church". Things need to change.

Thoughts about moving on in life and love.

So I went to a wedding the other day. This is not a normal occurrence for me. I have attended only three weddings in the last seven years. I have to admit that for years I have been disillusioned with the thought of marriage and love. Having been married and divorced I have a little experience in this area. I have for a long time wondered if it was or ever would be worth it to go down that road with someone again. When you have been through what some would consider a failed marriage that is a very serious question.

I have dealt with those feelings of failure relating to my marriage. I realize now that I was just not anywhere near prepared to be married and to be a husband at 20 years old. Do I regret it, absolutely not. I would not be the man or the father that I am today if I had not had that experience. But it is definitely difficult to jump back into the relationship scene having gone through what I did.

I truly feel like I know what a marriage should be and the type of husband I want to be when that right person comes into my life. I know that I can and will be the husband that I should be when that opportunity comes my again.

It's interesting how going to a wedding can make you think about things. Do I want to jump into something - nope. Do I want to do things the right way and build a strong healthy relationship that will last forever - absolutely. Do I believe God can bring that right person into my life and open that door. Yes and I can finally say that I am ready to go there. I crack jokes about relationships and marriage ect... but my heart is changing and I look forward to being the husband that God wants me to be someday.

The "Church"

OK, fair warning. What I'm going to say is probably going to erk a few people. But please comment on this I'm interested in getting other peoples point of view. So here we go.

For my lack of wanting to figure out a better way of putting things when I refer to the "Church" I'm refering to the place of gathering, programs, the business that is the "Church" in America today. When I say the "People", thats you and me.

So, the thought that has been in my head for some time now is what is the purpose of the church in todays ever changing society? I have struggled with this for a while because I don't believe the church is doing anywhere near what it should be doing. and it isn't having the impact in peoples lives that it should be. Why is this??? Loaded question. The church, over many many years has become complacent. It has become about pleasing those that are already there and not about reaching out to those in need in our local communities. It has become about having a fancy facility and fancy programs to please those that are there every week. Do we really think that the guy who's addicted to crack and just lost his family because of his addiction gives a crap about the facilty. The church is not here to please you or me or anyone, it here to affect change in peoples lives. Thats what the church is supposed to be here for. The church in america has been on a very steady decline for years now, but so have the people in the church. Don't get me wrong on this one, there are a lot of people that do a lot of amazing things with the talents and skills they have been blessed with. but for the most part the people come to church to "get". When we are called to give. And i'm not talking about money when I say give. I go to church to worship, fellowship and to serve. Its not about getting for me. I read my bible during the week, I pray during the week, i worship during the week. I have a personal relationship with God. How many people come to church on sunday with the mindset that "i'm getting my fill for the week". The church as an organization has become complacent, but so have the people. You go into almost any church and you will see an extremely limited amount of people that do everything. why is that? Because we are lazy and expect others to do Gods work for us.

Until both the Church and the People get there focus on what we are truly called to do which is "Love others as he loved us", then we are doomed to fail. We attempt to make theology this big impossible to fully grasp concept, but in reality its so simple. We will never affect any sort of change for Christ if we are putting ourselves first and "taking". We need to give.

Judgement and Condemnation

Over the years I have made a lot of poor decisions in my life. Starting at a young age and continuing through high school, college into marriage and then through divorce. Through all of those times the only thing I really felt was condemnation and judgement from those around me. Whether it be family, friends, church leaders, coworkers that was always the vibe that was given.

I look at our society today and all I see happening is more of the same. Our society has been trained to look for the faults in others. As kids we hear our parents or friends parents gossipping about other parents. By the time we are 5 and 6 years old we are looking critically at those around us and putting them down if they aren't the same or doing the same things that we are. This just gets compounded as we get older. And i truly believe we hit our evil best during the high school period. The church has also been a huge source of judgement for so many people. I was raised in the church, and i was raised to think that if you sin you're going to hell. Plain and simple. There was no grace, that was given once when you accepted Christ. But if you screw up we're done with you. The church in general has turned off so many people to faith that the church in America is struggling to stay afloat. Society tries to tell us what is right and what is best and if we don't fit the mold we'll toss you aside.

What can i do about this? Thats what i've been thinking about for some time now. You get these grand ideas in your head about changing the way everyone thinks and acts and responds to those around us, but in reality all I can do is change me. When i was hitting rock bottom a few years after my divorce there was one thing that truly changed my life. I was making stupid choices, getting into trouble, etc. I was feeling nothing but condemnation and judgement from all sides and then it happenned. My brother sent me a note. Thats all he did, one little act, five minutes of his time one wednesday morning. This one little thing changed my life. The note was short and to the point and completely changed my outlook on the future. "i love you and i'm here for you know matter what". This was the first time in my life apart from my daughter that i felt true unconditional love. The judgement and condemnation fell off of me and all i wanted to do from that point was be a better person, be a great father, and love others.

Everyone struggles, everyone has things in there life that have been hard and torn them down. But those few little words of support or encouragement can change someones life. I will not judge others, because i have made all those same choices and mistakes. I want to be that person that affects change in other peoples lives not tears them down. Its easy to judge and talk bad about other people, and difficult to be the person that doesn't, but if you can change one persons life for the better isn't it worth it. Don't be like everyone else.